April 11, 2016

Awe, Your Really Gonna Love This Post...- How to Correct Your Online Grammar Mistakes and Stop Trying to Give me an Anxiety Attack

If you haven't guessed by now, the first part of the title of this post is purposely incorrect.  Allow me to correct myself:

*Aw

*You're

*Post-

Although yes, I did know that I was incorrect, these are three of the most common mistakes I see online and they just

drive.

Me.

Crazy.

Now I may be a little too uptight when it comes to grammar (is that even a thing?). My friends have gone so far as to call me out on being a "grammar nazi." But in the long run it's for the best.  Darling, you just can't change out "you're" for "your" on a job application.  At least, not if you want the job.

I read this post by Abby of Little Miss Perfect and was inspired to put my own spin on it.  I have to say though, hers is not only completely accurate, but also so completely hilarious.  Highly recommend reading when you get the chance.  *Note- Contains references more mature and slightly more profane than I would allow on TPB. Not meant for younger audiences.*

1. You're Going to Make me Scream if You Use Your in it's Place One More Time

Your- Used to say that someone possesses something.  For example, "Clean up your room," or "If you use "your" instead of "you're," you need to fix your grammar."

You're- A contraction of "you" and "are" commonly used to describe something or state a position or location.  For example, "You're amongst my least favorite types of internet trolls if you use 'your' for 'you're.'"

2. Hi...My name is Ellipsis...

Three little dots.  Three little dots that are meant to show either a gap between a quote from a passage of text or that a speaker has trailed off.

If you use ellipsis frequently or in place of a comma or normal freaking period you end up sounding hesitant.  Even if you're not quite #BodyConfident, please for the love of my sanity be #GrammarConfident.

As Abby says in her post, "The ellipsis is the punctuation mark of potheads and weak-minded people."  Couldn't have said it better myself.

"Hi... My name is Ellipsis...In my free time I grow medicinal weed...I also fell asleep in English..."

3. Aw I'm in awe of that adorably correct use of "aw" and "awe!"

I see "awe" misused on Instagram so many times it literally makes me want to throw my phone against a wall.  That's saying something, I waited 6 years to get an iPhone!

Aw- A sentiment used to express sympathy or other emotion towards something.  For example, "Aw I love your grammatically correct Instagram comment!" or even "Aw I feel so bad that you don't know the difference between aw and awe."  If you're me, the more w's you add to the end of the word, the more you love or feel bad about something.  Most grammar nazis would not approve.

Awe- The emotion of feeling shocked, disappointed, or in fear of something.  For example, "I was in awe that I finally had a date with someone who knew the difference between 'aw' and 'awe,'" or "I am in awe of the magnitude of Instagram users who don't know the difference between aw and awe."

If you want an easy way to get me to unfollow you, just mix up "awe" and aw in all of your captions.  That being said, follow me @Eva_Phan! *Self-promotion filled with tons of shame.*

4. Hi! My Name Is Caption!

      I've noticed every so often that you stumble upon an account using the weirdest possible "rules" of capitalization ever.   Every single photo they caption or comment they leave has Every Single Word Capitalized. To paint a further picture of this all around strange behavior, let's review for a moment what captions and comments actually are.

Captions- A brief description, explanation, or otherwise blurb about the above photo or video.  Unless you're utilizing the caption to title the above photo/video, use the same grammar rules as if you were speaking to a friend or peer.

Comments- Meant for others to express their opinions and open a dialogue. In many cases, comments lead to conversations or to a response between the commenter and original poster. Just like a caption, you should use the same grammar rules as if you were speaking to a friend or peer.

     So If You've Read This I Shouldn't See Any Of This Funny Business Any Longer.

5. The Capitalization "Aesthetic"

     Lately, I've been noticing more and more of my friends turning of auto capitalization on their phone in lieu of writing only lowercase sentences.  Why?  Not because they disagree with the idea that one letter should be placed in a position of authority over the other, but simply because they think it "looks better." Now, I could go on and on about the importance of using proper grammar while texting, but quite honestly it'd probably be boring for you and most of my fellow teenagers wouldn't care anyways. #TeenageRebels!!!!! #YOLO!!!!!!! (Let's never bring that back)

     Whether or not you type in all lowercase on your phone is your own prerogative. I may not support it, but hey, it's your life.  Where it starts to become an issue is when people begin incorporating this all lowercase aesthetic into their handwriting.  When you do anything enough times, it eventually becomes normal, your reflex.  This includes anything you do to how you write, such as starting a sentence every time with a lowercase letter.  If you see a sentence like that or start a sentence like that enough times it will simply just become integrated into the way you begin sentences.  Tests like the ACT and SAT actually incorporate grammar into the scoring for their essay sections.  Starting every sentence with a lowercase letter could be absolutely detrimental to that section of the score.  Starting every sentence with a capital letter is a skill most students learn by the time they're in Kindergarten or first grade, if not sooner.  Imagine sending a resume into a future employer with all lowercase sentences, you definitely don't want them thinking you lack base level grammar skills!

  Are there more?  Yes.  These, however, are your five baseline tips on how not to look like an internet troll while typing.  Use them and there won't be any trouble.  ;)

Love and Stay Preppy,
Eva

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